Well, I’ve been out for some time and it is mainly because I’ve lacked motivation and inspiration for life all around. Don’t get me wrong, I am happy but my passion to create and inspire has diminished. Mainly because I am trying to get myself together since the last show.
I know, I know, it’s been like four months and I am still talking about it?! What you have to understand is that post show was a shock to my system. It was a humbling experience as I thought I would never repeat the same patterns or thoughts again. I haven’t quite figured out what triggered me but it was something within prep not the prep itself. So I’ve spent these past few months trying to “regain control” and get back to my old ways but the more I tried to be in control the more out of control I’ve felt.
So about a month ago I decided to stop tracking my macros and intuitively eat. The second I did that the pressure of trying to maintain a certain look rolled off my shoulders and my menstrual cycle came back and let me tell you, I felt like a champion that morning. There is something about missing your period as a woman that makes me feel like your less of a woman. It’s strange and it was concerning, worrying about my health was constantly on my mind. But what do you know? The second I stopped worrying about everything my body bounced back and I felt better. Stress is a bitch I tell ya.
Since I stopped tracking my macros, my body began to love the food I ate (healthy or not) and my zest for physique improvements came back. I gained about 5lbs in that process and although I don’t care for my current stats they fail to bother me as much as it use too knowing that I can change all of that.
Fast forward today – I am back on my macros and I am eating more carbs than I always thought I could handle. I was convinced my body preferred higher fat and lower carb, which in the past always felt good, but recently it seems as though my body is not rejecting the higher carbs as it use to and I am not complaining. I am feeling more focused on myself and my goals; I still have plans to compete this year (in early December), continuing to improve my blog/vlog is always on my mind and I am getting ready to sit my ass down and write the book I keep saying I am going to do. My mind took a couple of steps back which may have taken me by surprised but I can feel that I am coming out stronger from it.
So I am making the decision to make my blog more personal like when I first started. Truthfully, being able to express my voice has always been therapeutic and it is true to who I am and my purpose in all of this. Don’t worry, I promise to still share everything fitness and food along the way!