Thoughts at Thirty

May 19, 2016 0 Comments

I have been trying to collect my thoughts and sort them out; my head was spinning with a bunch of words and emotions that didn’t make any sense.  Exactly a week ago was my birthday, but not just any birthday, THE Birthday….I am officially in my thirties, y’all.  People have asked, “how does it feel?” and while my initial response is, “great”, my internal thoughts were of a bipolar person. Am I happy, sad, or indifferent?  It wasn’t until now that I realized I am thankful at 30.
Truth be told I never saw my life in my thirties.  It was almost like I never expected to be here at 30 years old and by “here” I mean as the woman who I am today.  Three years ago it was hard to imagine what happiness, confidence and self-love was like.  I never really understood that depression didn’t have to be permanent, confidence didn’t have to go in waves and I didn’t need someone’s approval to love myself.


I have The Gym to thank for that. 

 

The Gym gave me oxygen so that I could learn how to breathe.  It gave me the chance to save my life and be my own super hero. I didn’t need a man to save me from the internal hell I was creating and I didn’t need the support or the encouraging words that everything would be ok. I saved myself without using someone else’s back bone and I learned to love myself without someone telling me that they loved me back.


The Gym
taught me strength, discipline and a new perspective on my body.  I no longer hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror nor did I emphasized my thoughts on my “problem areas”.  I began to look past the body fat and saw shape, definition, and new curves that I didn’t have before.  The best part of it all was that I created this.

The Gym taught me self empowerment.  I learned that I didn’t need to continue to be a prisoner within my skin and that I had the abilities to change my circumstances.  I had the power to change my physique in any way I wanted;  If I wanted bigger muscles then I could make it happen.  If I wanted to slim down then shit, let’s get to work.  If I wanted to throw all my physique plans in the trash and just lift shit for funzies then I did that too.   I felt empowered to do what ever I wanted and I wish someone would have tried to stop me.

The Gym taught my patience and perseverance.   Changes didn’t happen overnight and I experienced many frustrated days, weeks and months, but I kept going despite my negative thoughts and screw ups.  After all the pity parties I attended, I still managed to make it out and reach my goals despite it all.

The Gym has been the greatest gift to my life as it has made me realize how special I am at thirty years old.  I could sit here and think about all the things I thought I would have had at thirty like a husband, family, booming career and my own home or at least be very close to some of these things.  I am not close to marriage, a child, owning my own home and in many ways I am just beginning my career.  I could let all that break my heart but instead it just makes me smile.

Because of The Gym I realized I’ve been given a gift to create the life I want without any obligations to anyone or anything but myself.  I am not a prisoner of my circumstance and with some patience, perseverance and a lot of self-love, I am capable of creating the most amazing life ever imagined with or without a person by my side.

So, cheers to be thirty! May these be the best years of my life with the biggest Glutes I can possibly build!

thoughts at thirty

Kristine

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