Dealing With Negative People

Negative people are everywhere and it’s almost impossible to get away from them.  Negative people find pleasure in bringing other’s down.  I mean, why else are they up all in your grill telling you how to live your life?  Because seeing you doubt your choices that bring you happiness makes them feel a little better inside.

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No matter how hard you try you cannot change these people or their opinions. The only thing you can change is how you react to them.  When you choose to change your unhealthy lifestyle for the better you will come in contact with a lot of positive people rooting you on and joining in on the fun (Yes, I said “fun” because fitness is fun when you find your home in the gym).  At the same time your new priorities will start to bring the negative freaks out to play.

Where is the Negativity Coming From?

Before you decide to cut them out figure out where this negativity is coming from.  Is it a place of concern or a deep-rooted ugly that only the negative person can feel?  If you come from a family that doesn’t know what a vegetable looks like and all of a sudden they see you eating a salad then you might start to hear remarks implying that you are starving yourself.  Sometimes these “concerns” come from ignorance.  If they don’t know what healthy eating consists of or don’t really care to be healthier, they may not understand what it is you are trying to accomplish and what it takes to get there.  Take the time to educate them, but know your audience before you waste your breath.  Don’t waste your time defending the reasons of your meal choice if it is going to fall on death ears.  If your audience is open to the conversation then they might be opened minded to the whole healthy concept once they “get it”.  Then when they start seeing your changes you will definitely be the first person they go to for advice.

If you have ruled out the “concern” option, then this fool is just simply unhappy with themselves.  They may be a “friend” and say they want the best for you, but if their actions don’t match their words then there is something wrong and it’s not you.  They probably can’t even acknowledge their inconsistency and shit talking, but unfortunately you cannot fix their problems.  Depending on your relationship, cutting them out of your life may not be the answer or something you are willing to do.  If that isn’t a choice for you then you just need to learn to ignore them; don’t give them a reaction and don’t bother defending your lifestyle.  It’s easier said then done, but this negative person will either learn to leave you alone, accept your lifestyle or weed themselves out once they realize you don’t care what they say (better for you…you don’t need that idiot anyway!)

Regardless of the person and the negative message they are delivering, you need to keep focus on your goal. Remember what it is you are trying to accomplish and how it is going to feel when you get there.  It is a shame you can’t share your new-found happiness with other people but life isn’t perfect and not everyone will be happy for your success.  It will feel like a heartbreak when the ones you thought would root you on don’t, but what you will find is a brand new circle of people who support your choices and will even join you on your cardio days.


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  1. Great article! This resonates with me after my 50lb weight loss. I have people who support me, people who think I am being too strict with my eating and exercise habits, and people who are happy for my healthier ways but somehow it makes them feel bad about themselves. The first group is my immediate family, i.e. my husband and sons. The second group is my extended family such as my mother and brother, but I am slowly getting them on board with my lifestyle, and having them understand I am not judging their lifestyle. The 3rd group I recently encountered at my 30th High School reunion. Many in this crowd told me I looked great and wanted to know my secret…in doing that though, I could tell that is made them very uncomfortable and I could see a lot of self reflection in their eyes when I told them how I live. Inadvertently, I could see that this made them feel bad, which was not my intention at all, since we were talking about the changes I made, not them. This healthy way of life is a something I am adjusting to on a social level. This article lets me know that what I experience is not all that uncommon.

    1. Not at all uncommmon! When I decided to compete for my first competition I “lost” friends. Competing is definitely an extreme version of life style change but prior to that I never lifted a weight. I went from unhealthy to living and breathing the gym all for a show. At first people were excited but then my priorities took over old social habits and I think what ended up happening is people didn’t know how to relate to me and felt uncomfortable. It’s a sad thing BUT in the past few years I’ve made so many new friends that share my passion and life style which I wouldn’t trade in for the world. Your transformation with you and your family has been amazing!

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