So many things race through my head and I don’t know where to begin. Old feelings are resurfacing, unfamiliar feelings are appearing and I don’t know where to go from here. I’m in a constant state of confusion and loneliness. Every time I think I am growing, learning and getting stronger, reality hits and they are just desperate actions trying to fit in, be accepted and find stability in my relationships. Maybe I invest too much of me in other people or get lost in the hopes of the future that I miss reality. Then sometimes I wonder, “do I ignore the truth because it’s ‘too good’ to be real?” Either way, I always end up in the same place.
Here. By myself. Watching everyone’s life move on without me and I am still trying to get a ticket to that train. My accomplishments in life feel so surface. I got myself out a debt, bought a house by myself, have a job I love and yet life continues to pass me by because every success is shared alone.
Watching everyone’s life move on without me and I am still trying to get a ticket to that train. My accomplishments in life feel so surface. I got myself out a debt, bought a house by myself, have a job I love and yet life continues to pass me by because every success I share is alone.
I want to have faith in God’s plan for my life. I want to believe that I meant to accomplish great things. I want to believe that I was meant to love another. I want to believe there is something more. I want to believe in all of that because, we as humans, need that hope to stay alive.
My goal was to keep this blog positive and real. Well, the reality is not everything can be positive. Real feelings suck and right now, this is my “real”. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Tomorrow will be a better day.
I know, I know. I always say this, “Sorry, I’ve been MIA but I promise I’m back this time…” If it makes you feel any better, I do think about you every day (I seriously do). I am always thinking about what I should write, where can I find inspiration from and sometimes I’ll have ideas, write them down and then they disappear before I can open my lap top.
The truth is, since my show I’ve gone through some major changes that I have been trying to adjust to. Changes that I can’t really explain in words as it’s been more of mental changes; I’m adjusting and finding my way back into the gym, in my skin, deciding on what fitness goal I should tackle next, my new job, dating, being thirty and what is Life?!?!
It’s stupid. I know I should have shared but I guess I put the pressure on myself to have it all of my shit together so that I could write for you when the whole thing that started this blog was me trying to get my shit together (as I competed) and wrote my way through it.
So yes, I’m back again. Seriously, I mean it this time. Blogging always served a purpose for me; therapeutically and creatively. Although this post isn’t anything but an apology, I am looking forward to sharing the future with you!
I’m sorry, I’ve been MIA for a few weeks now…I know, I failed. Truthfully, I’ve been unmotivated in a lot of things and blogging was one of them. Blah, blah, blah…life got hard, stress was higher and I slacked off. Waaaah!
While I was slacking I was thinking about you a lot and I realized I was trying to be the blogger that I’m not and create a site that was never my vision. Blogging was something I enjoyed doing and did it anonymously for 3 years before “Beauty In The Buff” was born. Then I became public as I document my new fitness challenge of getting on stage for the first time.
When it comes to the blog, I never aspired to be your trainer or nutrition guru. Sure, I will share fun and educational things as I came across them but my goal is not to be your next online fitness star who knows it all. I just want to share my love for fitness and all the great things that changed in my life hoping it could change yours too.
I apologize in advance for the shift in awkward changes, but I will be transitioning back to my blog purpose; a documented journey of a girl who loves to share entertaining stories with the hopes of inspiring (and entertaining) you!
2lbs – ground turkey
6 green onions – chopped
2 cloves garlic – minced
½ cup parsley – chopped
½ cup cream
1 packet of Italian seasoning
1 container 10 oz
mozzarella (cut into ½ inch cubes)
1 jar (25oz) tomato/red pasta sauce
2 tblsp olive oil
Salt and Pepper to taste
- Heat olive oil in large skillet on medium heat.
- Combine ground turkey, green onions, garlic, parsley, eggs, cream and Italian seasoning in large mixing bowl. Mix until consistent.
- Heat olive oil in large skillet on medium heat.
- Form meat mixture into small patty.
- Place mozzarella cube in middle of patty and form into a ball around the mozzarella.
- Place meatball in skillet.
- Cook for 7-8 minutes (or until outside is browned) turning halfway through.
- Add ½ jar of tomato sauce to bottom of glass baking pan.
- Line pan with meatballs and cover with the rest of the sauce.
- Place in oven on 350 degrees and cook for 45 minutes.