Caffeine Detox: It Made Me Do It | caffeine detox, adrenal fatigue

Let me start this off by saying that there was once a time in my life that I never had caffeine because I didn’t like coffee.  Then I discovered creamy, sugary, coffee creamer and we fell in love.  I’ve gone back and forth between going months without coffee to cut my sugar and never suffered the withdrawals of caffeine.  Drinking coffee in the morning became my morning ritual and it just felt good to hold that hot cup in the morning.  Since coffee never gave me that boost of energy I would even drink it at night to fulfill my sweet tooth craving.  Yea, weird right?

Then I started my job at Life Time Fitness and my entire lifestyle change. I went through periods of barely eating because I didn’t have time or the money to keep up with my regular diet and supplements, my schedule constantly changed from either an early morning shift to the late night crew, working weekends that weren’t planned, having random months without a day off and constantly worrying about making the paycheck to pay my bills #TheGlamorousLifeOfATrainer.  I was progressively getting more tired as each month went by and now my morning workouts were no longer effective for the boost in energy and I started relying on energy drinks to get me through the day.

caffeine detoxTowards the end of my employment, I decided that it was time to do something for myself again no matter how challenging it may be and that was to compete for my second show. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy and it certainly wasn’t going to help my energy situation but I needed this for my soul. I needed to focus all my free time on me and this was my way of doing it.  So now on top of my crazy schedule, I’ve added in harder workouts and the physical stress of putting my body through a demanding weightloss regimen. It was probably stupid timing but I would do it all over again.

Naturally, as you get closer to the show, your energy drops. Between the lower carbs and the caloric deficiency, there is just no way that you aren’t going to experience fatigue which is why show prep can be so hard.  So what do you do? Up the caffeine, take fat burners, consume anything that could possibly give you a boost. FYI I did take fat burners for about 3 weeks and had to stop. This was my second time and whatever is in them blurs my vision almost like my eyes are jittery, noooo thank you!  Anything that messes with my eyes I stop.  And I know I said coffee didn’t give me that boost in energy but at this point, I will willing to drink anything to help me with even the slightest boost to get through my long hours of work.

The show is over and now I start my new desk job. My entire lifestyle changed for the better but I was now really feeling the consequence of show prep and the high-stress job I had for almost two years. I was drained; I could barely get through the day without consuming an energy drink and the only way I could manage in the gym was taking a pre-workout.  My weekends were shot and I bummed around napping in between because I could never get the energy I needed to want to do anything fun (not to mention the post show funk I was conquering through).

It wasn’t until recently that I decided I need to stop with this caffeine dependency. Caffeinated was literally in my system from 7am till my work out at 6pm; I was a caffeinated mess.   The path I was heading towards was not going to be a good one and I knew I needed to make a change before I continue to damage my body and fall into adrenal failure. Thank god for the timing of my mini vacation to Florida, where I lounged around and only had a 1/2 cup of a coffee day just because I didn’t have the taste to finish the rest.  I didn’t need to have energy drinks because I was partially distracted with family and we didn’t do anything terribly exerting.  I came home to an unanticipated highly stressed week where I didn’t have time to take care of my responsibilities, go to the gym and sleep in my own bed for more than two nights. Stressed?! My body was beyond stressed and felt like a zombie my entire way through. Strangely enough, I didn’t have a desire for coffee or energy drinks. Well, I didn’t have an appetite at all and barely ate for a week, but I was using that to my advantage when it came to my coffee detox.

I’m 4 days of no caffeine and 2 weeks in on my adrenal supplements. I can’t say I notice an extreme difference in my energy levels yet, but that will come with time.  My skin has begun to clear up and I notice a difference in my digestive system. It is not surprising that I have a sensitivity to caffeine and  I feel confident in saying that I’m on my way to conquering this one monstrosity of a habit and preparing to tackle my next; SUGAR! 

Have you ever cut caffeine? Share your experience in the comment box below!

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What’s the deal, yo?

Well, I’ve been out for some time and it is mainly because I’ve lacked motivation and inspiration for life all around.  Don’t get me wrong, I am happy but my passion to create and inspire has diminished. Mainly because I am trying to get myself together since the last show.

I know, I know, it’s been like four months and I am still talking about it?!  What you have to understand is that post show was a shock to my system.  It was a humbling experience as I thought I would never repeat the same patterns or thoughts again.  I haven’t quite figured out what triggered me but it was something within prep not the prep itself.  So I’ve spent these past few months trying to “regain control” and get back to my old ways but the more I tried to be in control the more out of control I’ve felt.

So about a month ago I decided to stop tracking my macros and intuitively eat.  The second I did that the pressure of trying to maintain a certain look rolled off my shoulders and my menstrual cycle came back and let me tell you, I felt like a champion that morning.  There is something about missing your period as a woman that makes me feel like your less of a woman. It’s strange and it was concerning, worrying about my health was constantly on my mind.  But what do you know? The second I stopped worrying about everything my body bounced back and I felt better.  Stress is a bitch I tell ya.

Since I stopped tracking my macros, my body began to love the food I ate (healthy or not) and my zest for physique improvements came back.  I gained about 5lbs in that process and although I don’t care for my current stats they fail to bother me as much as it use too knowing that I can change  all of that.

Current Stats: 161lbs / 29.8% Current Macros: 192c / 155p / 51f
Current Stats:
161lbs / 29.8%
Current Macros:
192c / 155p / 51f

Fast forward today – I am back on my macros and I am eating more carbs than I always thought I could handle.  I was convinced my body preferred higher fat and lower carb, which in the past always felt good, but recently it seems as though my body is not rejecting the higher carbs as it use to and I am not complaining.  I am feeling more focused on myself and my goals;  I still have plans to compete this year (in early December), continuing to improve my blog/vlog is always on my mind and I am getting ready to sit my ass down and write the book I keep saying I am going to do.  My mind took a couple of steps back which may have taken me by surprised but I can feel that I am coming out stronger from it.

So I am making the decision to make my blog more personal like when I first started.  Truthfully, being able to express my voice has always been therapeutic and it is true to who I am and my purpose in all of this.  Don’t worry, I promise to still share everything fitness and food along the way!

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Thoughts at Thirty

I have been trying to collect my thoughts and sort them out; my head was spinning with a bunch of words and emotions that didn’t make any sense.  Exactly a week ago was my birthday, but not just any birthday, THE Birthday….I am officially in my thirties, y’all.  People have asked, “how does it feel?” and while my initial response is, “great”, my internal thoughts were of a bipolar person. Am I happy, sad, or indifferent?  It wasn’t until now that I realized I am thankful at 30.
Truth be told I never saw my life in my thirties.  It was almost like I never expected to be here at 30 years old and by “here” I mean as the woman who I am today.  Three years ago it was hard to imagine what happiness, confidence and self-love was like.  I never really understood that depression didn’t have to be permanent, confidence didn’t have to go in waves and I didn’t need someone’s approval to love myself.


I have The Gym to thank for that. 

 

The Gym gave me oxygen so that I could learn how to breathe.  It gave me the chance to save my life and be my own super hero. I didn’t need a man to save me from the internal hell I was creating and I didn’t need the support or the encouraging words that everything would be ok. I saved myself without using someone else’s back bone and I learned to love myself without someone telling me that they loved me back.


The Gym
taught me strength, discipline and a new perspective on my body.  I no longer hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror nor did I emphasized my thoughts on my “problem areas”.  I began to look past the body fat and saw shape, definition, and new curves that I didn’t have before.  The best part of it all was that I created this.

The Gym taught me self empowerment.  I learned that I didn’t need to continue to be a prisoner within my skin and that I had the abilities to change my circumstances.  I had the power to change my physique in any way I wanted;  If I wanted bigger muscles then I could make it happen.  If I wanted to slim down then shit, let’s get to work.  If I wanted to throw all my physique plans in the trash and just lift shit for funzies then I did that too.   I felt empowered to do what ever I wanted and I wish someone would have tried to stop me.

The Gym taught my patience and perseverance.   Changes didn’t happen overnight and I experienced many frustrated days, weeks and months, but I kept going despite my negative thoughts and screw ups.  After all the pity parties I attended, I still managed to make it out and reach my goals despite it all.

The Gym has been the greatest gift to my life as it has made me realize how special I am at thirty years old.  I could sit here and think about all the things I thought I would have had at thirty like a husband, family, booming career and my own home or at least be very close to some of these things.  I am not close to marriage, a child, owning my own home and in many ways I am just beginning my career.  I could let all that break my heart but instead it just makes me smile.

Because of The Gym I realized I’ve been given a gift to create the life I want without any obligations to anyone or anything but myself.  I am not a prisoner of my circumstance and with some patience, perseverance and a lot of self-love, I am capable of creating the most amazing life ever imagined with or without a person by my side.

So, cheers to be thirty! May these be the best years of my life with the biggest Glutes I can possibly build!

thoughts at thirty

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Working With My Demons

I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to communicate what has been going on.  Do I vlog and talk or do I just write?  I did record like a 30 minute vlog that I started editing down but as I watched it I realized this wasn’t me. Well, it wasn’t my best. So here I am writing it all down and given you the update.

Since I got off stage my fitness lifestyle has felt like a rollercoaster and it all began with insecurities and comparing myself with other women; it actually started two weeks before stepping on stage. I did my best to ignore those stupid thoughts and managed my way through it but they stayed hidden in the back of my head.

After the show I was on a winning high but soon after I hit a plateau and those insecurities and comparisons started to come back.  I fought my negative thoughts for weeks because I knew they weren’t true but it was still effecting me.  I was allowing my weight define my progress and I began to focus on all the negatives of prep. From talking with my coach, we concluded my metabolism has slowed down (which happens from months of dieting) so the lack of movement wasn’t just me.  This was relieving to hear but I still couldn’t shake the little bitch hanging out on my shoulder.

I decided not to pursue the second show that just took place because my body isn’t ready and it’s not worth sacrificing my health or my competitive future. I’ve been “off” prep the past week and a half and have been trying to reverse out of my diet.  I would be lying if I said this was easy, but I am trying and working at it every day.   My long-term plan is to compete in a California show in December.  This gives me more than enough time to get my metabolism and hormones right where they need to be, put on some quality muscle and slowly cut at a higher caloric base and not end up in the position I am in today.

As far as my thoughts – it will always be constant work, but as I continue to grow I realize how human I am and how accepting I need to be of my demons. I’ve tried so hard to fight them and the more I fight the more I lose.   I’ve put in a lot of work at understanding them and learning to recognize trouble, but there is a difference in coping and trying to erase a part of your personality. Now, I think it is time I accept who I am in every way and use those demons in my favor.  It is time I see it as a personal challenge and use it to propel me forward in my goals.  This is a new mindset I’ve started to develop over the last week and I’ve been trying to apply all of my strengths and weaknesses to my personal development.

I am determined to come back stronger in every sense of the word for this next show.  I know it is not going to be easy and the rollercoaster isn’t over, but I also know it is going to be worth it.

How do you work with your inner demons?

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F*ck Will Power

Will power noun: control of one’s impulses and actions; self-control.

As I grew through my fitness journey I began to loathe the word “will power” and I resented anyone that used it. “Will Power” has just became another word to make certain people feel supernatural.  It gives this illusion that if you pick a subway sandwich over a salad then you lack will power.  If you lack will power then you must be weak and just suck at life.

According to the #fitspos of the Instaworld having “will power” means that you will go to the gym despite the hurricane running rampant or being sick in bed with the West Nile Virus.   God forbid, you turn into a human being and for whatever reason allow your emotions or lack of energy decide your actions for the day.  That human being clearly has no will power and he/she should continue to stalk the #fitpsos that make it seem impossible to obtain a fitness goal.

Fuckin #fitspos…they ruin everything.

As far as I am concerned “will power” doesn’t exist.

Someone who is struggling with an addiction doesn’t relapse due to the lack of will power.

Someone with an eating disorder doesn’t starve, binge and purge due to lack of will power.

Someone with trichotillomania doesn’t pull their hair out due to lack of will power.

Believe it or not, there are things in this world that trump “will power” at any given moment and making a decision to skip your cardio or eat something that is not on your healthy plan doesn’t mean you are a failure.  What you don’t realize is that a lot of those #fitspos post things from previous days/months.  They aren’t ripped 24/7 and maybe they do go to the gym as often as they make it seem, but do they have the life balance that you want?

Stop comparing yourself to others or deeming yourself a failure because your “will power” doesn’t match Booty Shorts Barbie and her fabulous filtered glutes; Your journey is your journey and you determine your lifestyle.  Your goals are your goals and you define your will power not #Fitspos or even dictionary.

 

Click here for my previous post on #Fitspos,
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Convince Yourself

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Success and accomplishment require hard work, commitment and sacrifice.  To achieve your goals, you must be willing to invest yourself in them, day after day, year after year.  So before you can begin to achieve them, you must convince yourself that they’re worth the effort.  If you’re half-hearted about pursuing an achievement, that achievement won’t happen.  So it’s vital that the first person you “sign on” to the project is yourself. Truly convince yourself of the value of your pursuits and you’ve created a powerful and effective advocate for them.  Know, deep down and throughout your being, why you want what you want and you’ll find a way to get it.  Goals chose haphazardly will rarely be reached.  The goals you will attain are the ones you know without a doubt that you must reach in order to fulfill your own best possibilities.  What are these goals, what are those possibilities for you? Find them, understand them and go for them with everything you have.  When you’ve convinced yourself that you must, you will.

Daily OM

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