Thank You!

I just wanted to say “Thank You” to everyone who has reached out and gave me nice words of encouragement after my last post, A Loss for Words.  It really means a lot to me that there are people out there, some strangers and some friends, that took the time out to try to pick me up and encourage me to keep going!

The truth is, we all have these slumps in life and I’ve learned to allow myself to “feel” the pain so that I can work through it.  But I am human and because of the industry I am in and the people who I’ve worked with, I expect more from myself.  I don’t want to let people down and be weak for them.   I think, “How can people rely on me if I’m a shit show?  How am I suppose to help other people and support them on their journey if I can’t get my ass in gear?”

I suppose I am no use to anyone if I continue to hide and wallow in my confusion, but ya know…I just have that pride thing going on. Anyway, thank you again for supporting me through my fitness journey and I promise to the both of us that I will not let us down!

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A Loss for Words

I’ve been having a hard time getting on track with my fitness regime.  I’ve had moments where I was burnt out and not motivated to work out. It didn’t bother me because I knew I needed that break and I would return after I caught my breath (which I always did).

This time it is different.  I don’t feel like I ever got “burnt” out from the gym.   What started as laziness (for lack of a better word), turned into my new habit to unwind and evolved into terrible habits that seem difficult to break.  As I’ve mentioned in my previous post, the stress of work and the people around me have affected me.  My world has changed as I bought a new home and while this is a great thing, it has also come with a basket of different stressors and feelings; adjusting to new finances,  making sure I’m on my budget so I don’t make a big mistake,  loving the feeling of coming home alone, hating the feeling of being home alone, enjoying my single girl moments but then getting lazy because it’s comfortable to bum around…etc.   The gym used to be my place, my second home, my stress relief, my social circle…my everything.  Even when I didn’t want to be there, I still left feeling accomplished.   Yet, I can barely get myself to walk through the front doors.

The biggest thing is the stress. I’ve always had mismanaged my stress but I think exercise and personal fitness goals kept me productive and happy.  Now, I’m unproductive, unmotivated and I have more sad/mad days than I do good.  And no, I’m not depressed. I know depression very well and this isn’t it, but I’ve never been so unfocused and uninspired to create a personal goal and work for it.   Honestly, I hate it. I hate the person I’m becoming as I worked so hard to not be this girl. I’ve spent years on working to be better than this.  And for some damn reason, even as I write this out, I can’t help be feel lost and confused by my lack of ambition.

I don’t know guys.

I just don’t know, but I need to figure it out soon. 

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Life, Friends & Fitness

Oh man, guys! May has been one hell of a month for me.  I normally live a very tame, predictable life but May…oh no. The Universe wanted to make sure that I started my new year in my thirties with a bang. Let’s recap real quick –

1st week of May – Moved into my very own house!

 2nd week of May – My 31st Birthday and trip to NY to visit my family. 

3rd week of May –  Celebrating my birthday with my Arizona Friends

And now I am finishing of this month with some of my friends who have hit some milestones in their life. 

I’ve enjoyed this month but damn, I am ready for a break!

I didn’t recap my Whole 30 experience on the blog but to watch how it went, check out my recent YouTube video. I finished the Whole 30 right before my trip to NY which ended up being perfect. Unfortunately, I did not slowly introduce myself to food.  At first, everything felt ok but as this month progressed, I’ve begun to notice the side effects of my lazy, processed eating.

Acne, lack of energy, more anxiety, waking up
exhausted, bloating, weight gain…

Le Sigh.

I want to beat myself up now because I’ve made many great changes, but Rome wasn’t built-in the day and neither were nutritional habits. I’ve not only gotten completely side track with my post W hole 30 plan, but I’m going on two months of not getting my butt in the gym. But it’s ok, I’m getting myself back on track and working on my plans and goals as we speak.

I’m in a really great place in my life and I’m trying to balance all my social and personal changes with my fitness goals.  This is a new task for me but I am excited to share it all with you!

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“Comparison is the Thief of Joy” – Eleanor Roosevelt

We often hear that quote in a relationship with other people, but how about with ourselves?

We’re all hard on ourselves and we set these expectations of ourselves that tend to lead us to failure and disappointment.  I don’t believe in thinking small. In fact, the only way I believe you can achieve your best is by setting high goals.  However, sometimes we can’t reach those goals due to factors beyond our control.  Sometimes we can reach those goals but the time frame is unrealistic.

In moments like these, it’scomparison is thief of joy ok to fail and to be disappointed.  It’s ok to want this high goal and to keep working at it, but it’s not ok to compare yourself to this person you have in your head that would have reached that goal if she was different.   So you didn’t succeed?  Get the fuck up and keep trying.

The person you have in your head that “could” have done it, isn’t the person you really are today.  It doesn’t mean you can’t be and it doesn’t mean you won’t be, it just means this isn’t reality. Stop dwelling on your imagination and use the energy that is beating yourself up and convert it into something to push you forward.

Think Big. Be Determined. Work Hard. Be Disappointed. Feel Unsatisfied & Keep Fuckin’ Going!

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Transitioning Life: Personal Trainer to a “Civilian”

Transitioning from the daily life of a Personal Trainer to a “civilian” has been quite comfortable. Almost too comfortable; I never realized what it was like to be on the other end of the trainer/client relationship.

There was a time I worked a regular 9-5, hated my job, always ate take out and punished myself with long runs.  When I first started working out it was for my first bikini show. With about 2 months left of my employement, I quit my job and stayed unemployed for about a year.  At this time I was spending my days doing what I love the most; blogging and show prep.  Then after my show, I got my NASM Certification and began working as a trainer.  I never had this real adjustment period of learning how to live this active lifestyle and work in an office.

Now don’t let it confuse you, just because you work as a Personal Trainer it doesn’t mean you get paid to work out.  I spent many days sleeping 5 hours, barely eating and forcing myself through a workout.  My workouts were still important to me so I always made the time no matter how busy my day was.

Immediately after my second show, I started working at a desk.  This time I enjoyed what I did, the people I worked with and a lot of people in the office were fitness minded, unlike my previous office job experience.  This made it easier to socially transition but just because we are a fitness company it didn’t take away the junk food office environment.  I started my employment there standing at my desk at least 6 hours a day and sticking to all of my prepped food. Seeing all the free delicious food around didn’t phase me because I always knew it would be there tomorrow.  My only “struggle” at this time was trying to get in my 10,000 steps. I use to get 14,000 as a Trainer and now I’m barely breaking 4k, but that was able to be resolved with some after work cardio.

Slowly but surely, I began to sat just a little bit more and I snacked just a little bit more ending up taking over my day. The food was there so I ate it; my chair was there so I sat.  Cardio stopped being a concern and caffeine ended up being an all day thing. The gym was the one thing that never changed because this life was too important to for me to ever give up. To be honest, I was thankful for my personal time back so no matter how tired I felt, I still went. I could finally work out for me again!

I realized changing your unhealthy lifestyle into a healthy one can be difficult and life would be much easier if you could take all the temptations away distracting you into being naturally healthy.  But since that isn’t the case that means you’ll have to work and it will be hard.  I suggest starting with one major goal; sure, you can pick a handful of things you want to change like going to the gym three times a week, missing the afternoon snack of office cookies and standing half your day at your desk, but just pick one to focus on.  Work on the others but give yourself credit if you fail at it.

I’ve been putting all my energy into cutting the caffeine but cutting my sugar is in the back of my head. I give myself a break if I decide to eat the M&Ms as long as I’m on point with my caffeine.  Once I am confident with that then I’ll move on the next goal.  Focusing on the one major goal has given me the chance to build my confidence back up and with every day that goes by it gets easier and I feel better.  I definitely got a dose of the office reality but it’s ok.  I’ll get my routine back.


How did you transition your life into a healthier one?  Share your experience in the comment box below!

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Living in America: The Scared Truth

Since the recent events of the Orlando Shooting I’ve been experience dreams and thoughts of events related to loss or the fear of losing.  I’ve had thoughts of losing my family members, my animals, my friends, my life and my safety and it’s all been tragic visuals.    Maybe it is because I am older and wiser, but these tragic events never really got to me like they do now.  They used to seem like distant stories that they create in a Hollywood Movie for entertainment.

It wasn’t until the Monday after the Orlando shooting where I was listening to the radio and they played the audio of shooting that was taking place inside the club and I realized this wasn’t a movie.  This was real.  This really happened and the terror these people experienced before they died sent chills up my spine.  Later that day, I found out through Facebook that a best friend I had in High School had been affected by this tragedy…her cousin was a victim.  I never met him but I knew of him through stories her family use to share when I would visit their house.   Seeing that post on Facebook made me realized that it doesn’t matter if this happened in city across the country because it could happen anywhere and to any of us.

This may have been an attack on the gay community but it could have been in a race community or religion community or even a gender community. This could be in a grocery store, at a park, in church, at a club or just walking down the street minding their business and someone psycho starts shooting up the block as people walk by. It doesn’t matter what was the target community or where it happened, because at the end of the day we are all humans living in America and I don’t feel safe in my own home any more.   This recent tragedy may have been across the country and may not have hurt anyone that I personally know, but it is much closer to me (and all of us) then it appears on paper.

I’m not sure what to make of these thoughts or what the solution is to safety of our country and I don’t know how I can help be apart of the change, but I have hopes that I will figure it out.   In the mean time, life is too short to be sad, mad or even scared.  And while I am human with a roller coaster of emotions, I don’t want my last moment on earth feeling any of those feelings.

What are your thoughts?

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