Thoughts at Thirty

I have been trying to collect my thoughts and sort them out; my head was spinning with a bunch of words and emotions that didn’t make any sense.  Exactly a week ago was my birthday, but not just any birthday, THE Birthday….I am officially in my thirties, y’all.  People have asked, “how does it feel?” and while my initial response is, “great”, my internal thoughts were of a bipolar person. Am I happy, sad, or indifferent?  It wasn’t until now that I realized I am thankful at 30.
Truth be told I never saw my life in my thirties.  It was almost like I never expected to be here at 30 years old and by “here” I mean as the woman who I am today.  Three years ago it was hard to imagine what happiness, confidence and self-love was like.  I never really understood that depression didn’t have to be permanent, confidence didn’t have to go in waves and I didn’t need someone’s approval to love myself.

I have The Gym to thank for that. 


The Gym gave me oxygen so that I could learn how to breathe.  It gave me the chance to save my life and be my own super hero. I didn’t need a man to save me from the internal hell I was creating and I didn’t need the support or the encouraging words that everything would be ok. I saved myself without using someone else’s back bone and I learned to love myself without someone telling me that they loved me back.

The Gym
taught me strength, discipline and a new perspective on my body.  I no longer hated what I saw when I looked in the mirror nor did I emphasized my thoughts on my “problem areas”.  I began to look past the body fat and saw shape, definition, and new curves that I didn’t have before.  The best part of it all was that I created this.

The Gym taught me self empowerment.  I learned that I didn’t need to continue to be a prisoner within my skin and that I had the abilities to change my circumstances.  I had the power to change my physique in any way I wanted;  If I wanted bigger muscles then I could make it happen.  If I wanted to slim down then shit, let’s get to work.  If I wanted to throw all my physique plans in the trash and just lift shit for funzies then I did that too.   I felt empowered to do what ever I wanted and I wish someone would have tried to stop me.

The Gym taught my patience and perseverance.   Changes didn’t happen overnight and I experienced many frustrated days, weeks and months, but I kept going despite my negative thoughts and screw ups.  After all the pity parties I attended, I still managed to make it out and reach my goals despite it all.

The Gym has been the greatest gift to my life as it has made me realize how special I am at thirty years old.  I could sit here and think about all the things I thought I would have had at thirty like a husband, family, booming career and my own home or at least be very close to some of these things.  I am not close to marriage, a child, owning my own home and in many ways I am just beginning my career.  I could let all that break my heart but instead it just makes me smile.

Because of The Gym I realized I’ve been given a gift to create the life I want without any obligations to anyone or anything but myself.  I am not a prisoner of my circumstance and with some patience, perseverance and a lot of self-love, I am capable of creating the most amazing life ever imagined with or without a person by my side.

So, cheers to be thirty! May these be the best years of my life with the biggest Glutes I can possibly build!

thoughts at thirty

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Online Dating: Why I Find It Annoying

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They say you meet your significant other either at work or at school. Well,  when I graduated college and moved to Arizona I worked at a ballroom dance studio. Do I need to elaborate? The other option is through friends and at that point my closest friend was gay. I basically set myself for an unlimited supply of girlfriends and gay affection.  After years of figuring my way through Arizona I decided to sign up for online dating to see what was out there.  This time I went on a couple of dates and they were fine;  nothing terribly too creepy except my one Baby Cop story that I love to share so much.  Don’t worry, you’ll hear it soon enough!

I did not stay online for too long because Baby J, that shit is exhausting!  It can be a fun distraction to be able to talk to so many “available” men, but it can also feel like a part time job to get through those dreadful messages to find the interesting personality.

When you first sign up you start receiving a mind blowing amount of emails and for a second you think you have hit the jack pot until you open up these messages and you see, “hey.” There is nothing more frustrating than a man who opens up the conversation with one word. Like really, what am I supposed to do with that? One time I responded with a smart ass “hi.” and I got a “what’s up?” Delete.

If you are lucky enough to receive more than a “hey” then you are probably getting something like “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.” I wish I was making this up. One time I got a message that said, “wanna f*ck?” and his only pic was of his body in boxers.  My response, “sorry, your legs are too skinny.” I would have declined his invitation regardless the size of his legs but they really were too skinny. Friends don’t let friends skip leg day folks. He eventually responded back with “wow. No wonder why you are single.” Uh huh, yep! Clearly my pickiness for leg size is the reason why I cannot get a man. Delete.

Every once and a while you come across a message that is actually enticing.  Then you check out their profile and they are 45 and live in Alaska. What the hell am I going to do with that? Delete.

Personal favorite – open the message and decide you aren’t interested. The next day you receive a message that says, “what am I ugly?”  Really sir? Where is your dignity? If I don’t reply it is because I am not interested, get over it. You may not have been ugly but now you are ugly AND annoying. Delete.

When it comes to online dating people seem to think they can get away with lying about their physical appearance; unless you intend on dating the blind this is not going to work. So men let me make this clear….5’11 and 6ft are not one in the same. You might be able to fool a midget but you cannot fool a 5’8″ woman who loves her 5inch heels. I’ve learned that a man who is between the height if 5’8″ and 5’11” seem to think they can get away with rounding up. Guys, we may be a lot of things but stupid isn’t one of them. I learned to go into a date expecting the shortest.

My rounds of online dating lasted about 6 weeks before I got burnt out. It is tiring trying force conversation with these men that insist on messaging but can’t form a sentence and idiots who had elephantiasis of the balls sitting behind a computer screen. I’ve heard this works for many people and maybe it will for me one day, but for now I am still holding out hope for that true American Love story….

Boy meets Girl at the gym.  Girl loves Boy’s Traps.  Boy asks girl how much she deadlifts and if she wants to grab a shake after her lift.  Girl plays it cool but is freaking out on the inside.  Boy proposes standing because he is too buff and inflexible to actually get on one knee.  Girl totes says yes and freaks out on the outside.  They make buff babies; live in an Iron Castle and live Happily Swole Together.

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The Dreaded Text Message Swap

FullSizeRender (16)Being a twenty-something in 2015 is not as easy, fun or as dramatic as reality TV makes it out to be.   We’re broke, confused, trying to fit in and understand what it means to be an acceptable human being in society. Now throw in being single trying to find that other acceptable match and you’ve added another handful of awkward WTF moments.

There is really no gentle way of saying this, but dating is a bitch.  Not only have I met plenty of assholes but I definitely have had my fair share in being one.

Take the other night for example, I was minding my own business trying to find my abs in the mirror when I get a text message from a recent heart breaker, The Douche. To be fair I know in my heart this man is a good person and I really don’t have hard feelings towards him, but it’s just kind of funny to refer to him as The Douche.

So here I am trying to find the best lighting to enhance my ab self-esteem and The Douche finds a way to make my heart fall out my ass when I see his name pop up on my phone.

“What does he want? Does he miss me? He’s thinking of me? Of course he is thinking of me.  In fact, he is probably counting all the ways he messed up and about to beg to have me back…”

::Opens Text Message::

The Douche: Hey…

Oh my god, I knew it.  He is totally in love with me…

Me (playing it cool): Hey, what’s up?

The Douche and I proceed to have a conversation and I began to notice his way of attempting textual seduction. “hmmm”, I thought, “let me just play neutral and act dumb.  This will pass…”

So I do and he backs down for a minute until another opportunity occurs to be flirtatious again.  Let’s pause this story for a second – Men, in what world do you live in where you can hurt a woman and then come back and think it is OK to reminisce over the “fun times”?  Let’s just make something clear,  until you apologize for breaking her heart you’ve lost all privileges in talking to her like you are together again.  Moving on…

I continue to neutralize the conversation in hopes that he would prove his interest in me as a person and not a body, but grew increasingly disappointed when he proved that he was thinking with his Junior.  In typical female fashion, I was giving my bestie the play by play, word for word, breakdown of what was happening. As I am expressing my frustration to her I say, “I feel like he keeps trying to be flirty and sexy and I’ll just ignore it. So he will change the subject but wait for another opportunity in hopes I bite.” Immediately after I hit send my heart falls out my ass again (yes, it’s possible).  I didn’t send that to my girlfriend….I sent that to…



Anyone who has experienced the dreaded text message swap knows they have two choices:  try to find a quick come back to explain this message and how it has nothing to do with him like he will believe it OR just chalk it up as a loss and laugh your ass off.

Me: Well, that’s awkward. I was talking to my girlfriend.

The Douche: lol nice job

Me: LMAO….yep….

And that was the last time my heart fell out my ass and I am not so sure I will be seeing that name pop up on my phone anymore. Ah well…another funny story in the books.  I’ll just thank the Universe in advance for giving me a good laugh anytime I think of him the near future.


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