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So many things race through my head and I don’t know where to begin. Old feelings are resurfacing, unfamiliar feelings are appearing and I don’t know where to go from here.  I’m in a constant state of confusion and loneliness.  Every time I think I am growing, learning and getting stronger, reality hits and they are just desperate actions trying to fit in, be accepted and find stability in my relationships. Maybe I invest too much of me in other people or get lost in the hopes of the future that I miss reality. Then sometimes I wonder, “do I ignore the truth because it’s ‘too good’ to be real?” Either way, I always end up in the same place.

Here. By myself. Watching everyone’s life move on without me and I am still trying to get a ticket to that train. My accomplishments in life feel so surface. I got myself out a debt, bought a house by myself, have a job I love and yet life continues to pass me by because every success is shared alone.

Watching everyone’s life move on without me and I am still trying to get a ticket to that train. My accomplishments in life feel so surface. I got myself out a debt, bought a house by myself, have a job I love and yet life continues to pass me by because every success I share is alone.

I want to have faith in God’s plan for my life.  I want to believe that I meant to accomplish great things. I want to believe that I was meant to love another. I want to believe there is something more. I want to believe in all of that because, we as humans, need that hope to stay alive.

My goal was to keep this blog positive and real.  Well, the reality is not everything can be positive.  Real feelings suck and right now, this is my “real”. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. Tomorrow will be a better day.

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