I wish I could say that this week went by swimmingly, but it didn’t.
I wish I could blame it on Thanksgiving, but I can’t.
I’m a personal trainer and everyone thinks that just because this is “what I do for a living” that this should be easy, but that is far from the truth. A lot of personal trainers become trainers because of an emotional period in their life where fitness completely transformed their way of being. Just because we clawed our way through barriers and found muscles underneath the surface it doesn’t mean the pieces of those barriers don’t still exist.
I am a self-help junkie and I’m always trying to find an explanation on the reasons for my behaviors of self sabotage. In my process of trying to understand my mind and become a better person I’ve picked up the book, “You are a Badass. How to stop doubting your greatness and start living an awesome life” by Jen Sincero. It was recommended by a friend and it’s amazing. I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a swift kick in the ass in a witty and straight to the point kind of way.
I bring this up because I just finished a chapter called “Fear Is For Success” and it hit me – I am struggling to stay true to my goal of competing because of fear. Our entire life we have made fear a habit. Fear wasn’t something we knew intuitively as a child but it was taught to us and throughout our life it has defined who we have become today. Some people have used fear to propel them into success and others have used it to keep them safe to live a mediocre life with mediocre goals. What does this have to do with me competing?
I fear discomfort. I fear pain. I fear failing but I also fear success. I continue to make self sabotaging choices because it is much easier to stay comfortable in what I know because what I know isn’t bad – it fits in. What I know is mediocre and it makes me normal; it’s not risky, it keeps me hidden from scrutiny, it keeps me safe from mistakes and hard lessons. Fuckin’ fear…
So here’s to another week of staring fear in the face and fighting my own mental battles holding me back from the greatness I see in my mind. I said it before and I’ll say it again, this transition in my life (which includes this prep) is all about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable. This is going to suck in so many ways but I am prepared to do what I can to build a better me and a better booty!