Well, I am 11 weeks out and good God time is flying by! I don’t really have much to update on how the week went so I figure I would let you in on how I even got into this madness of competing in the first place.
Fall of 2011
It’s almost my 3 year anniversary of diving into this crazy fitness world that started with my first competition. Prior to that I hated working out. In fact, it was my form of punishment because I hated my body and had a lot of other self esteem issues that were masked in my extreme unhealthy relationship with food. I lived on a constant diet (or attempted to at least), tried almost every fad you can think of and only knew how to run. I always felt fat even at my smallest and would have done anything to look like a Victoria’s Secret model. Funny enough, I had a secret obsession with muscle and what I really wanted was to look like Janet Jackson during her “All For You” Tour. But society didn’t obsess about Janet Jackson’s body like they did with the Angels so being the unhappy insecure person I was I decided to jump on the VS bandwagon.
Whether it was muscular or lean, it was not something I thought I could accomplish. In fact, my issues were much deeper then just getting on a regime and figuring out how to squat.
It wasn’t until I took my first job at Life Time Athletic in Scottsdale, AZ as a front desk girl where I realized muscular woman existed. Working the early morning shift I began to notice a group of women who were training for a figure show. I so badly wanted to look like them but when I found out what they did to get their look and how often they worked out I “knew” that would never be me,
“I’m bingeing on food every night and there was no way in hell I was going to ever be able to do a competition…but maybe, one day. One day I will do a show…just one show….just to say ‘I did it.'”
Despite the lack of confidence I had to pursue this, I never let go of the dream and always said, “One day…”
After spending several months heartbroken over this douche noodle, I literally woke up one morning and said to myself, “Today is the day.” You don’t need to know anything about this guy other than that he was a douche who apparently looked like a noodle. I don’t know, google it. I can’t explain what happened to me that switched me into competition mode but what I can tell you is that I was tired of crying over this noodle and I wanted to do something for myself. From that morning on my life changed. I went from never lifting a weight in my life to lifting 6 days a week and trying my best to follow my diet plan. I started this blog (all original content was unfortunately lost) made my diet mistakes, went through different coaches until I found the right one and 20 weeks later I made it to the stage. It was not an easy task; in fact I did a lot of emotional healing with therapy during my prep which was never my original intention. How all that came about will be saved for another post but the combination of therapy and exercise helped me heal and establish a healthy relationship with my body, which was something I never thought to be possible.
Today, January 2015
After competing and placing in my first show I knew this was something I wanted to do again. However, I struggled getting back into the groove and sticking with a plan. I realized now that I was too busy enjoying the gym and food that I didn’t want to jump back into a competition prep. The gym was a brand new toy for me and I had so many things I could play with and learn. My work outs didn’t have a distinct plan other than picking shit up, putting shit down and doing it so many different ways. These past 3 years have been a blast but as you know, I am ready for a the next challenge; competing as a different woman!
“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in questions finally getting tired of their own bullshit.” – Elizabeth Gilbert