I just wanted to say “Thank You” to everyone who has reached out and gave me nice words of encouragement after my last post, A Loss for Words. It really means a lot to me that there are people out there, some strangers and some friends, that took the time out to try to pick me up and encourage me to keep going!
The truth is, we all have these slumps in life and I’ve learned to allow myself to “feel” the pain so that I can work through it. But I am human and because of the industry I am in and the people who I’ve worked with, I expect more from myself. I don’t want to let people down and be weak for them. I think, “How can people rely on me if I’m a shit show? How am I suppose to help other people and support them on their journey if I can’t get my ass in gear?”
I suppose I am no use to anyone if I continue to hide and wallow in my confusion, but ya know…I just have that pride thing going on. Anyway, thank you again for supporting me through my fitness journey and I promise to the both of us that I will not let us down!
I’ve been having a hard time getting on track with my fitness regime. I’ve had moments where I was burnt out and not motivated to work out. It didn’t bother me because I knew I needed that break and I would return after I caught my breath (which I always did).
This time it is different. I don’t feel like I ever got “burnt” out from the gym. What started as laziness (for lack of a better word), turned into my new habit to unwind and evolved into terrible habits that seem difficult to break. As I’ve mentioned in my previous post, the stress of work and the people around me have affected me. My world has changed as I bought a new home and while this is a great thing, it has also come with a basket of different stressors and feelings; adjusting to new finances, making sure I’m on my budget so I don’t make a big mistake, loving the feeling of coming home alone, hating the feeling of being home alone, enjoying my single girl moments but then getting lazy because it’s comfortable to bum around…etc. The gym used to be my place, my second home, my stress relief, my social circle…my everything. Even when I didn’t want to be there, I still left feeling accomplished. Yet, I can barely get myself to walk through the front doors.
The biggest thing is the stress. I’ve always had mismanaged my stress but I think exercise and personal fitness goals kept me productive and happy. Now, I’m unproductive, unmotivated and I have more sad/mad days than I do good. And no, I’m not depressed. I know depression very well and this isn’t it, but I’ve never been so unfocused and uninspired to create a personal goal and work for it. Honestly, I hate it. I hate the person I’m becoming as I worked so hard to not be this girl. I’ve spent years on working to be better than this. And for some damn reason, even as I write this out, I can’t help be feel lost and confused by my lack of ambition.
I don’t know guys.
I just don’t know, but I need to figure it out soon.
I’ve always struggled to manage my stress, caring less, worrying about things that I had no control over, and frustrated dealing with people who had little common sense.
My dad always said, “You cannot control other people and their reaction, but you can control how you react to people.” And I never argued with that because he is right. Why react to someone and allow them to manipulate your feelings?
Lately, I’ve fallen deep into the trap of letting someone get the best of me. I’ve often had the conversation with myself where I thought, “Kristine, why are you letting this obviously incompetent person bring you down? You are fighting with what? An idiot. And yet your day is ruin and you continuously come into this place dreading to be around them. This is stupid!” And yet, did I listen? No. I continued to let them chip away at my soul, target my work ethic and dim my light. I allowed this and I let the stress in and consume me.
Well, no more. The timing of recent events this week has not been lost on me. I always notice signs and don’t believe in “coincidences”. The Universe (or God) is trying to tell me something and I need to pay attention.
“Kristine, shut up. You are better than this. Something bigger is up ahead and you are in control of your destiny. Let this ruin you or let this grow you. You are better than this, now prove it!”
This is the time to get it together and learn to let go. Exhale the BullShit. My future depends on it because I will only continue to hurt myself by investing in something or someone who doesn’t deserve the time and energy. If it doesn’t serve me in a positive way then it should not have my attention and I know this, but it is always easier said than done. My sleep is affected, my fitness has taken a back seat and I have no motivation to accomplish my personal goals. The stress is greatly impacting who I am and who I have worked hard to become and I miss that girl. I miss her badly and I know she is not gone, just lost and I can get her back. I just…I just have to let go.
How do you manage your stress and not let people and things negatively affect you?