“Comparison is the Thief of Joy” – Eleanor Roosevelt

We often hear that quote in relationship with other people, but how about with ourselves?

We’re all hard on ourselves and we set these expectations of ourselves that tend to lead us to failure and disappointment.  I don’t believe in thinking small. In fact, the only way I believe you can achieve your best is by setting high goals.  However, sometimes we can’t reach those goals due to factors beyond our control.  Sometimes we can reach those goals but the time frame is unrealistic.

In moments like these, it’simg_0512 ok to fail and to be disappointed.  It’s ok to want this high goal and to keep working at it. It’s not ok to compare yourself to this person you have in your head that would have reached that goal if she was different.  It’s not ok to hold on to this self-hatred because you’ve “failed” yourself.  So you didn’t succeed?  Get the fuck up and keep trying.

The person you have in your head that “could” have done it, isn’t the person you really are today.  It doesn’t mean you can’t be and it doesn’t mean you won’t be, it just means this isn’t reality. Stop dwelling on your imagination and use the energy that is beating yourself up and convert it into something to push you forward.

Think Big. Be Determined. Work Hard. Be Disappointed. Feel Unsatisfied & Keep Fuckin’ Going!

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Transitioning Life from a Personal Trainer to a “Civilian”

Transitioning from the daily life of a Personal Trainer to an office job has been quite comfortable. Almost too comfortable and I never realized what it was like to be on the other end of the trainer/client relationship.

I adopted the fitness world to my life about 4 years ago and there was a time I worked a regular 9-5, hated my job, always ate take out and punished myself with long runs.  When I first started working out it was for my first bikini show.  I quit my job with almost 2 months left and was unemployed for about a year.  At this time I was spending my days doing what I love the most; blogging and show prep.  Then after my show, I got my NASM Certification and began working as a trainer.  I never had this real adjustment period of learning how to live this active lifestyle and work in an office.

Now don’t let it confuse you, just because you work as a Personal Trainer it doesn’t mean you get paid to work out.  I spent many days sleeping 5 hours, barely eating and forcing myself through a work out but I did it all in sacrifice for making a living.  My workouts were still important to me so I always made the time no matter how busy my day was and I tried my best to eat the foods I needed.

Immediately after my second show I started working at a desk.  This time I enjoyed what I did, the people I worked with and a lot of people in the office were fitness minded unlike my previous office job experience.  This made it easier to socially transition but just because we are a fitness company it didn’t take away the junk food office environment.  I started my employment there standing at my desk at least 6 hours a day and sticking to all of my prepped food. Seeing all the free delicious food around didn’t phase me because I always knew it would be there tomorrow.  My only “struggle” at this time was trying to get in my 10,000 steps. I use to get 14,000 as a Trainer and now I’m barely breaking 4k, but that was able to be resolved with some after work cardio.

Slowly but surely, my minor moments in the day where I sat just a little bit more and I snacked just a little bit more ending up taking over my day. Food was there so I ate it. My chair was there so I sat.  I no longer cared to hit my 10K steps so I stopped doing cardio. Oh yea, and that caffeine thing ended up being an all day thing because I felt like I always needed it. Thankfully, the one thing that never changed was the gym; this lifestyle habit was too important to for me to ever give up so I was never tempted by the feeling of exhaustion. To be honest, I was thankful for my personal time back so no matter how tired I felt, I still went. I could finally work out for me again!

I realized changing your unhealthy lifestyle into a healthy one can be difficult and life would be much easier if you could take all the temptations away distracting you into being naturally healthy.  But since that isn’t the case that means you’ll have to work and it will be hard.  I suggest starting with one major goal; sure, you can pick a handful of things you want to change like going to the gym three times a week, missing the afternoon snack of office cookies and standing half your day at your desk, but just pick one to focus on.  Work on the others but give yourself credit if you fail at it.

I’ve been putting all my energy into cutting the caffeine but cutting my sugar is in the back of my head. I give myself a break if I decide to eat the M&Ms as long as I’m on point with my caffeine.  Once I am confident with that then I’ll move on the the next goal.  Focusing on the one major goal, has given me the chance to build my confidence back up and with every day that goes by it gets easier and I feel better.  I definitely got a dose of the office reality but it’s ok.  I’ll get my routine back.

 

How did you transition your life into a healthier one?  Share your experience in the comment box below!

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Caffeine Made Me Do It | caffeine detox, adrenal fatigue

Let me start this off by saying that there was once a time in my life that I never had caffeine because I didn’t like coffee.  Then I discovered creamy, sugary, coffee creamer and we fell in love.  I’ve gone back and forth between going months without coffee to cut my sugar and never suffered the withdrawals of caffeine.  Drinking coffee in the morning became my morning ritual and it just felt good to hold that hot cup in the morning.  Since coffee never gave me that boost of energy I would even drink it at night to fulfill my sweet tooth craving.  Yea, weird right?

Then I started my job at Life Time Fitness and my entire life style change. I went through periods of barely eating because I didn’t have time or the money to keep up with my regular diet and supplements, my schedule constantly changed from either an early morning shift to the late night crew, working weekends that weren’t planned, having random months without a day off and constantly worrying about making the paycheck to pay my bills #TheGlamorousLifeOfATrainer.  I was progressively getting more tired as each month went by and now my morning workouts were no longer effective for the boost in energy and I started relying on energy drinks to get me through the day.

fullsizerenderTowards the end of my employment, I decided that it was time to do something for myself again no matter how challenging it may be and that was to compete for my second show. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy and it certainly wasn’t going to help my energy situation but I needed this for my soul. I needed to focus all my free time on me and this was my way of doing it.  So now on top of my crazy schedule, I’ve added in harder workouts and the physical stress of putting my body through a demanding weightless regimen. It was probably stupid timing but I would do it all over again.

Naturally as you get closer to the show, you’re energy drops. Between the lower carbs and the caloric deficiency, there is just no way that you aren’t going to experience fatigue which is why show prep can be so hard.  So what do you do? Up the caffeine, take fat burners, consume anything that could possibly give you a boost. FYI I did take fat burners for about 3 weeks and had to stop. This was my second time and whatever is in them blurs my vision almost like my eyes are jittery, noooo thank you!  Anything that messes with my eyes I stop.  And I know I said coffee didn’t give me that boost in energy but at this point, I will willing to drink anything to help me with even the slightest boost to get through my long hours of work.

The show is over and now I start my new desk job. My entire lifestyle changed for the better but I was now really feeling the consequence of show prep and the high stress job I had for almost two years. I was drained; I could barely get through the day without consuming an energy drink and the only way I could manage in the gym was taking a pre workout.  My weekends were shot and I bummed around napping in between because I could never get the energy I needed to want to do anything fun (not to mention the post show funk I was conquering through).

It wasn’t until recently that I decided I need to stop with this caffeine dependency. I realized that I was literally caffeinated from 7am till my work out at 6pm; I was a caffeinated mess.   The path I was heading towards was not going to be a good one and I knew I needed to make a change before I continue to damage my body and fall into adrenal failure. Thank god for the timing of my mini vacation to Florida, where I lounged around and only had a 1/2 cup of coffee day just because I didn’t have the taste to finish the rest.  I didn’t need to have energy drinks because I was partially distracted with family and we didn’t do anything terribly exerting.  I came home to an unanticipated highly stressed week where I didn’t have time to take care of my responsibilities, go to the gym and sleep in my own bed for more than two nights. Stressed?! I was beyond stressed and felt like a zombie my entire way through. Strangely enough, I didn’t have a desire for coffee or energy drinks. Well, I didn’t have an appetite at all and barely ate for a week, but I was using that to my advantage when it came to my coffee detox.

I’m 4 days of no caffeine and 2 weeks in on my adrenal supplements. I can’t say I notice an extreme difference in my energy levels yet, but I know that will come with time.  I do feel like my skin has began to clear up and I notice a difference in my digestive system. I would not be surprised if I had a sensitivity to caffeine.  I feel confident in saying that I’m on my way to conquering this one monstrosity of a habit and preparing to tackle my next; SUGAR! 

Have you ever cut caffeine? Share your experience in the comment box below!

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Where do I begin?

I love competing. I love everything about the struggle of prep and it always seems impossible when I am doing it, which makes it so rewarding to get on stage.  As much as I knew what I must do post show and as much as I thought I was mentally prepared, I really wasn’t.

I can’t really explain where it all began and it doesn’t even matter at this point, but my body filling out and the scale go up really played a toll on my mind.  It is hard to explain, but your eyes literally play tricks on you.  You get so use to seeing your body shrink dramatically week after week.  You know this is just for the show.  You know this isn’t maintainable and that it will all come to an end but 5 extra pounds on the body looks like 20 in your mind.  Week after week, pound after pound, I was mentally freaking out feeling like a failure. I should be able to maintain this. Everyone else does, right? I kept going back and forth with my logical, reasonable thoughts to irrational post show competitor thoughts. It was a roller coaster of mental self-talk that took me months to get out of.  

I know some people reading this would wonder why the hell would I want to do that again? It’s “so unhealthy”.  Sure, you can definitely argue putting myself through that mental torture isn’t the best thing to do, but what you don’t understand is I see it as a challenge and a chance for growth.  It’s an opportunity to prove to myself that I can beat these stupid thoughts, that I will not go back to the old Kristine, and that after all these years of self work and understanding I have the ability to get out of these slumps faster than ever before.  And honestly, I’m proud. Sure, it sucked. For months, it sucked and in the moment I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t feel just as good with my body 20lbs heavier than I was on stage, but I got through it and now I am here.

So what now?

I still plan to compete and I plan to do it slower and smarter next time.  I learned a lot of about myself and my body the last prep which I plan to use to the next one.  I am currently 17lbs heavier than I was on stage and I know quite a bit of that is fat, but there is nothing I can do it about it now other than embrace it.  I am finally at balance with my diet and am slowly reversing my calories out; I am currently eating about 1750 calories and hope to get it up to as close to 2000 before I cut again.  I’m lifting heavy and I love it!  I’m doing the hatch squat program (I also added in bench and press) with an extra glutes and shoulder day and hit the other body parts in between.  I am doing NO cardio which I am currently loving and I am definitely in no rush to start that back up again!  As much as I would love to be leaner and see a smaller waistline, I am 100% on board with building up my strength and increasing my muscle.  I’d be lying if I didn’t say I had thoughts of maybe doing a mini cut but then I remember, “YOU’RE ASS WON’T GROW IF YOU DO THAT!” so I eat and lift like my life depends on it.

I feel good, really good and I feel like my old self again. I pay attention to the scale less and admire my physique more which is exactly how it should be!  I’m looking forward to the future and seeing all the gains.  Gains, Gains, Gains!

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“Is it too late now to say Sorry…”

I know, I know. I always say this, “Sorry, I’ve been MIA but I promise I’m back this time…” If it makes you feel any better, I do think about you every day (I seriously do). I am always thinking about what I should write, where can I find inspiration from and sometimes I’ll have ideas, write them down and then they disappear before I can open my lap top.

The truth is, since my show I’ve gone through some major changes that I have been trying to adjust to. Changes that I can’t really explain in words as it’s been more of mental changes; I’m adjusting and finding my way back into the gym, in my skin, deciding on what fitness goal I should tackle next, my new job, dating, being thirty and what is Life?!?!
It’s stupid. I know I should have shared but I guess I put the pressure on myself to have it all of my shit together so that I could write for you when the whole thing that started this blog was me trying to get my shit together (as I competed) and wrote my way through it.

So yes, I’m back again.  Seriously, I mean it this time. Blogging always served a purpose for me; therapeutically and creatively.  Although this post isn’t anything but an apology, I am looking forward to sharing the future with you!

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Breakfast Quesadilla

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Ingredients

Serves 1

  • 1/4 cup of chopped Onions
  • 1/4 cup of low fat Four Cheese Mexican Blend
  • 1/3 cup of Egg Whites
  • 2 Bacon Strips
  • 1 Tortilla
  • Your favorite Salsa

 

Directions

    • Chop the onions and bacon strips into small pieces.
    • Heat up your pan and use a nonstick spray.  Sauté the onions for about 5 minutes.
    • Turn the heat up to high and add bacon to the onions.
    • Once the bacon is cooked, strain the grease from the pan and add it back in. Mix your egg whites into the bacon and onion mixture.
    • While the egg whites are cooking, heat up your second pan and spray with your nonstick pan.
    • Keep temperature on low and add your tortilla to warm up.
    • Add half of the Mexican cheese blend to one half the tortilla.
    • Add your egg mixture to the tortilla on top of the cheese and top it off with the other half of the cheese.
    • Fold tortilla in half and heat up until cheese melts or until your tortilla browns.
    • Serve with your favorite salsa


**3 servings were cooked in the video

Enjoy!

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